A new Greek and Cypriot study published in the journal of Human Nature studied a couple’s relationship with their in-laws only to find that wooing them with gifts, dinners and shows of wealth was simply a waste of financial resources.
The three-part study turned to science for the answer. Menelaos Apostolou, assistant professor at the University of Nicosia with campuses both in Greece and Cyprus, found that parents who do not approve of the choice of mates for their children use manipulation tactics, however counter-manipulation tactics can be effective when winning over in-laws.
738 Greek-Cypriot couples were studied and found that seven broad tactics were used when dealing with in-laws:
1. I am right for your child – involves asserting that your partner has chosen a worthy mate.
2. I do not deserve this – suitors make it apparent that they are being treated unfairly by their negative in-laws.
3. Why don’t you like me? – a straightforward plea for the in-laws to come clean about their dislike, followed by an attempt to change their minds.
4. No confrontation – the suitor swallows any negative vibes, keeping schtum in front of both the in-laws and his partner.
5. You have to accept the situation – a no-nonsense, combative approach. Can include threatening the in-laws with not seeing grandchildren.
6. Approach – an odd name that appears to apply to cosying up with the in-laws. Behaviours in this tactic include spending time with them by organising activities, and buying gifts.
7. Tell them I am good – the partner is called upon to tell her parents that you really are the right man for the job.
Out of the 414 Greek-Cypriot in-laws quizzed, the tactics that get results were pinpointed, these are:
* The “I am right for your children” tactic involves one member demonstrating to prospective parents-in-law that they are the right mate for the child.
* The person wishing to win over in-laws should avoid disagreements by not responding to criticism or replying to any negative comments.
Do not:
* Invite parents-in-law to dinner or use money to win them over.
* Boast to a mate’s parents about how good you are!
The study revealed that mothers are more likely to be influenced by some tactics than are fathers!
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