“If I choose a partner well, it means I know myself.” With this simple phrase, Giorgos Lagios sums up in Giorgos Eugenides the basic problem of most couples is a lack of self-knowledge.

In his interview on the Direct show on protothema.gr, the psychotherapist and sexologist stressed that many couples don’t really get to know each other and enter into relationships based more on needs than on true connection. “Couples have not pre-agreed on how to raise a child. Many have children for the wrong reasons, even to get benefits,” he commented, raising the question of whether we are finally getting serious about what it means to raise a family.

The pressures of everyday life, financial difficulties and the internal repression of desires lead – according to him – to bouts of anxiety, mental disorders and emotional aberrations. Relationship, however, is not a cure in itself. “Relationships are not charity – they need reciprocity, to give but also to receive,” he stresses.

On the topic of sexuality, Mr Lagios believes that a healthy couple can evolve their love life, talk openly about fantasies and stay connected. In contrast, silence around sex leads to withdrawal. “We need to talk about why we don’t have sex. It’s not a luxury, it’s a mirror of our relationship.”.

He also makes particular reference to the phenomenon of internet porn, which he says acts as a “substitute for what we don’t find in real life”. And he sounds the alarm about its abuse: “It distorts neurons and distracts you from real contact.” At the same time, he acknowledges that women today claim pleasure more freely, which, according to him, sometimes embarrasses men. “The woman enjoys without guilt – and sometimes that confuses the dynamic.”

On the role of the man, Mr Lagios states: “He has to put the erotic context. If he doesn’t, the relationship loses its core desire. In the old days, to flirt, you had to cultivate skills. Now you just send an emoji.”