When you’re married or in a long-term relationship, it’s natural to see changes in how often you have sex. When couples first get together, there’s often a period of high sexual frequency due to the initial excitement of a new relationship, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex. Over time, though, the novelty factor naturally fizzles, and sexual frequency can go down as people return to their natural libidos, which might not line up. If your sex life isn’t what it used to be, you might find yourself scratching your head and wondering: How often do married couples have sex, anyway?
Everyone’s natural libido is different: For some, a natural libido could be a desire to have sex every day or a few times a week, while for others, it might be a few times a month, or less. People’s desire for sex can also fluctuate based on factors such as stress, sleep, medications, diet, and exercise. If you and your partner are dealing with a discrepancy between sex drives, it doesn’t mean your sex life is doomed, Kerner says. Even if you’re in a “sexless relationship”—when couples can’t remember the last time they had sex or have it less than 10 times a year, according to Kerner—there’s still hope.
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According to a 2017 study by the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average American married couple has sex 56 times a year, which is around once a week. Experts in TIME and Prevention quote similar numbers, with 51 and 52 times a year, respectfully.
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