We are afraid of growing old. We are so afraid that we try to squeeze everything into our twenties—the decade that older people recall with nostalgia, remembering their achievements, their stamina, and their youthful “craziness.” But when we look at our own lives and compare them to theirs, we fail to see that joy. We focus on the uncertainty of the future, on work deadlines, on unfulfilled romances, on the stress of our finances, on the pressure of daily life when you are trying to evolve, to understand who you are, what your role in society is, what your purpose is in life.

And while entire industries sell us the idea that youth is the peak of human existence, we wonder what we are doing wrong and why we aren’t enjoying it. In reality, the answer is: nothing.

More and more studies essentially show that the years we glorify—late adolescence and our twenties—are usually our worst, while between 60 and 70 people experience the best emotional period of their lives. This contradiction lies at the center of a growing body of psychological and sociological research, much of which is supported by Laura Carstensen, professor of psychology and founding director of the Stanford Center on Longevity. When she teaches her students, she begins with a phrase that always shocks: “These are not the best years of your life. Those come much, much later.” Her students look at her, confused, full of hope, relieved. “I look at a sea of 100 students sitting in a classroom and I love the expression on their faces,” she tells Time magazine, explaining that late adolescence and one’s twenties are the worst period of life—with the highest rates of loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

The U-shaped curve of happiness

The data supports her claim. Large, cross-cultural studies reveal a consistent U-shaped curve of emotional well-being across the lifespan. Our twenties—despite being celebrated as carefree—are actually among the lowest points. Anxiety peaks, loneliness is a given, and uncertainty hangs over everything: career, relationships, identity. For many, it is a decade dominated by pressure and comparison.

Then something begins to change. In our thirties, and especially in our forties, negative emotions gradually begin to decline. What researchers call “emotional turbulence” starts to calm down. The “free fall” of our emotions stabilizes. The real turning point comes between 40 and 60, when scientists observe the greatest drop in anxiety, anger, and worry. This is the “big change that’s worth it,” as Carstensen describes it—the period in life during which emotional experience improves significantly.

In our sixties and seventies, we reach what many studies now call the emotional peak of life. These decades, often overlooked and burdened by stereotypes, consistently appear in research as the happiest, most emotionally stable, and most satisfying years a person can live. After seventy, things don’t decline sharply—they simply level off. Emotional well-being remains high. People report more gratitude, less anger, more satisfaction and meaning. Why, then, do we spend half our lives fearing a period that may bring us the deepest peace?

The happy old age

Researchers offer various explanations for why emotional life improves as we grow older.

– We become better at focusing on what matters. The theory holds that as people age, they become more aware that time is finite. Rather than creating fear, this awareness sharpens priorities. Older adults invest more in meaningful relationships and experiences. They stop wasting time on trivial conflicts, comparisons, or social obligations that drain them.

– Emotional regulation improves dramatically. Younger people often feel emotions intensely and react impulsively. But with every passing decade, the brain becomes more capable of managing these emotions. Older adults recover more quickly from stress and are less likely to self-sabotage. They act instead of react.

– Perspective on life changes. By sixty, most people have experienced losses, victories, betrayals, illnesses, disappointments, mistakes, discoveries. They understand that crises pass, that fear weakens, that life has seasons. This perspective brings a kind of psychological resilience that simply cannot exist in one’s twenties.

– Social comparison decreases. One of the heaviest burdens of early adulthood is comparison—the feeling that one must constantly meet expectations, perform, achieve. Aging dissolves much of this pressure. People stop striving and start living.

– Gratitude increases. Older adults tend to enjoy everyday life more: a walk in the morning sun, a good conversation, a cup of coffee. The small things take on meaning. This shift alone dramatically increases emotional well-being.

Why we tell young people the opposite

If aging offers all these gifts, why do we cling to the myth that youth is the peak of life? Part of the answer is cultural. Western societies idealize productivity, appearance, and speed—traits associated with youth. Aging, by contrast, is seen as decline—of body and mind.

Another explanation is moral storytelling: older generations often tell young people, “These are the best years of your life,” because they regret not enjoying their own. They say it to encourage them, but for young people who are already struggling, it feels like pressure. Carstensen believes this is deeply harmful. When a 19-year-old or a 25-year-old sits in her class struggling with anxiety or confusion, being told that this difficult period is supposedly “the best time of her life” creates fear. It implies that the struggle is a personal failure.

The freedom that comes later

Ask people in their sixties or seventies what has changed, and they often describe the same feeling: freedom. Not the intense, restless freedom of youth, but a quiet, steady freedom. The freedom to say no. To protect your energy. To value the relationships that truly matter. To stop apologizing for who you are. They describe enjoying their own company in ways they couldn’t earlier in life. They worry less about how others perceive them. They are kinder to themselves. More patient. They laugh more easily. There is also a confidence that comes from having simply survived things you once thought you wouldn’t.

The truth about aging

The story our culture tells us about aging—that it is a slow slide into irrelevance—is not only outdated, it is wrong. Science offers a more optimistic, more human narrative: Life gets better. Our forties bring calm. Our fifties bring clarity. And our sixties and seventies bring the richest emotional experience of all. That doesn’t mean there won’t be losses or challenges. But the emotional architecture of the aging brain is built for resilience, for balance, for joy.

We are not programmed to shine brightest in our twenties. We are programmed to evolve, with each year bringing us closer to the person who can finally breathe, smile, and enjoy life’s unfolding not as a race, but as a profoundly meaningful journey. The relief on Carstensen’s students’ faces is therefore entirely justified: The best years haven’t passed. For most of us, they haven’t even arrived.