Our friends are our fans and we are theirs. The people we trust with our most hidden secrets and insecurities, our companions for the important moments in our lives, big and small. If these connections are so critical, why do we have so much trouble making new ones? Why is it so hard to make new friends?
Most people out there feel like this. It’s probably hard to make friends as adults, perhaps because we compare the experience of friendship to that of our childhood, when it was actually much easier. In a 2021 study, 12% of adults said they had no close friends. And only half of adults, 51%, said they were satisfied with the number of friends they have.
Friendships take…time
There are a few factors that make it harder to make friends as adults: time, trust, age. Although age should not be counted, it is a contributing factor to creating and maintaining a friendship since adults have less time on their hands – they probably spend that time at work, with family, etc.
According to a 2019 study titled “How many hours does it take to make a friend?”, the results showed that it takes over 200 hours, more than three weeks, to form a friendship.
As children, we find ourselves spending specific time with peers who usually have similar interests to us – something that facilitates relationship building. The 200 hours to “build” a friendship of the above research is much easier when you are with friends in the same classroom, on the playground, on the field or in the same neighborhood. Moreover, beyond the shared time, as author Katharine Smyth wrote in The Atlantic, “As we get older, the time we used to fill our lives with laughing, gossiping, and staying up until the sky lights up is now consumed by more ‘adult’ concerns, such as family matters and business, and we end up giving ourselves less than we deserve.”
Our precious “grown-up” hours are divided between our responsibilities and relationships, from work and hobbies to partners and children. And that’s where research comes in, finding that once we’ve settled into a job and a marriage, we tend to lose an average of two friends each. All the energy it took to maintain those relationships is now dedicated to a partner or family.
As we get older our relationships have more or less the same pattern: Partners, in-laws, relatives, long-term friends, children. Especially when growing up with children, one’s daily life is consumed with social interactions with people one would not necessarily choose to hang out with. So is age an inhibiting factor in forming new friendships? How can we make more friends? The answer is obvious: Act like children again, with spontaneity, confidence and a willingness to make new relationships.
-Socialize.
One of the best ways to make new friends is through shared interests but which also involve consistency and regularity in meetings. Go to the gym, volunteer, participate in social events – socializing with people will open up new avenues for new friendships.
-Reconnect with old friends
Often, new friendships can build on old ones. Think back to your friends from college, high school, even elementary school-you were friends with them for a reason, right?
-Create new friendships through the friends you already have
At your meetings, friends bring new people and this is a great environment to meet a new friend. The perfect opportunity to make new friends.
-Take a genuine approach
Make a genuine and sincere effort to get to know someone by asking questions, showing interest and spending time with them and it will work.
-Be… curious
People are stories. They have interesting lives, thoughts, ideas, hobbies, etc. that you have absolutely no idea about. Everyone likes to tell their own story, that’s what people always do and it’s a timelessly good way to connect with someone else.
