Hercules, the son of Zeus, had a dozen incredibly challenging and dangerous labors to perform, such as capturing the Cretan bull or slaying the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra. Russian President Vladimir Putin’s Facebook supporters believe that his tasks are even more Herculean that the mythical figure and created a one-night-only exhibition, titled “The 12 Labors of Putin” to mark Putin’s 62nd birthday. In this display, the labors of the Greek demi-god are given a Russian makeover with mythical monsters replaced by modern villains.
1. The Slaying of the Lion of Nemea
In his case, Putin Strangles a bearded suicide bomber who represents terrorism.
2. The slaying of the multi-headed Lernaen Hydra
Putin grapples with Western sanctions with many heads, such as the EU, US, Canada and Japan that are accusing the country of supplying separatist rebels in the eastern Ukraine with weapons despite Russia’s denial.
3. Capturing the Ceryneian Hind, a beast so fast that it could outrun an arrow
For Putin, the Ceryneian Hind was snaring the Sochi Olympics.
4. Capturing the Erymanthian Boar
The not-so-mythical oligarchs of Russia were the boar that Putin vowed to destroy as a class when he came to power in 2000.
5. Cleaning the Augean Stables
Putin fought with the horses of corruption to clean Russia.
6. Defeating the Stymphalean man-eating birds of bronze and sharp metallic feathers
Putin grapples with his own Stymphalean birds by stopping Western intervention in Syria when Russia vetoed a UN Security Council vote in 2012.
7. Capturing the Cretan Bull
A Herculean Putin rode the fearsome Crimean bull in the peninsula’s breakaway from Ukraine in the annexation by Russia in March 2014.
8. Hercules was to steal the Mares of Diomedes
Russia’s Mares of Diomedes was the Mistral contract, a deal for delivery of warships from France to Russia worth 1.2 billion euros. France is being pressured to scrap the deal after the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 in eastern Ukraine.
9. The Belt of Amazonian Queen Hippolyta
The South Stream pipeline is the belt that Putin acquired, running through most of Europe from Russia and feeding the region with a supply of gas that many countries rely upon.
10. Obtaining the Cattle of Geryon
The cattle are the landmark 30-year gas deal worth around $400 billion dollars that Putin brokered in May 2014. An incredible trade victory.
11. Picking the Apples of Esperides
Just as Hercules had to trick Atlas to allowing him to hold the heavens for a while so that he could retrieve the golden apples for him, here is Putin backing peace in Ukraine.
12. Capture of the three-headed Cerberus
The painting symbolizes the struggle with the U.S. superpower and its “unipolar world”.
OTHER CELEBRATIONS IN HONOR OF PUTIN
As if the display that compares Putin to Hercules wasn’t enough, around the country Russia showed acts of adulation and mass hysteria in their celebration of Putin’s birthday.
* A 41-foot book by a group of political scientists outlining illustrations of Putin’s 550 achievements as Russian President. They want to include the book in the Guinness Book of Records!
* A sale of Putin-themed streetwear at a posh department store opposite the Kremlin. Eager buyers rushed for celebrationary hoodies with an image of a Bond-styled Putin on it. People lined up for their chance to acquire one!
* A legislative proposal to celebrate October 7, Putin’s birthday, as “Polite People’s Day”.
* 100,000 people paraded in Grozny, the capital of Chechnya with Russian and Chechen flags.
* Children from the Moscow musical group “Stars of Our City” are shown singing Putin’s praises in a utopian Russian fantasyland.
And just in case you’re wondering, Putin himself decided to celebrate his birthday in a remote isolation in Siberia.
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