MTV’s new reality show, “Growing Up Greek”, claims to know what it is like to grow up Greek in America, but they don’t even come close to touching on the joys and heartbreak of growing up a stranger in a foreign land like these three comedians.

Greek fathers are tough says comedian Yannis Pappas, they lock their daughters and send their sons to church to serve time as altar boys. He wonders why Greek choirs have a nasal tone. He talks about tradition and wonders about whether you can get herpes from kissing icons at church. Old women with red lipsticks making out with Jesus, the difference between fake Easter and Greek Easter, the pretence of fasting… “All you need are 10 Puerto Ricans and 10 Greeks and they can conquer China,” he says, explaining why Greeks make so much fuss during midnight Easter mass. He explains why a non-Greek can never be a Greek’s best man and teaches people how to fake Greek dancing so that they look like a professional.

Basile explains why it is cool to be Greek, explaining why being Greek Orthodox is better than any other religion. He explains how his mother screwed up the tooth fairy and the mixture of Greek and U.S. culture. He explains how his mother screwed up Thanksgiving with lamb, mousaka, feta cheese and kalamata olives just like the pilgrims. He explains how his mother screwed up Halloween by not letting him leave the house, not even to go to school because the devil was outside.

Growing up Greek to Angelo Tsarouchas explains what it is like growing up Evangelos Petros Tsarouchas in North America. He imagines calling a hockey penalty on a Greek player. He compares the differences between Greek mothers and the rest.